you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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