just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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