Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
