YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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