I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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