I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
