shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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