These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
