my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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