you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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