chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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