Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
