I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize