Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
