I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
