I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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