i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
