If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize