@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The air was thick with penises
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
