I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
