You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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