She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who died my cat blue again?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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