Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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