You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
