the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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