my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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