the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
