i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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