I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
