Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
