I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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