i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
