he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize