Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
