Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
