I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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