so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
In America we eat man semen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
