We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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