Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
