i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
