The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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