you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
