Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
