There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
