I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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