I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
