The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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