just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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