sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
