thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
