we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There r osticjed everywhere
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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