Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
