so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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