seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
