My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
