fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
