Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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