my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
