Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
