I have demons in me.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
