Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
