I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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