so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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