one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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