I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
