i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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