i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
His nipple licking is glorious
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