I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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