so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
