that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
