I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
