Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
