we have officially lost it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize