I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
