at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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